We're all trying to make sense of something, and to be honest, being human isn't always easy.

At some point in our lives, most of us will experience anxiety, stress, or both. They can arrive quietly, building over time, or they can appear suddenly, leaving us feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and disconnected from ourselves.

As a therapist, I often meet people who believe they should be coping better, thinking more positively, or somehow managing life differently. Yet anxiety and stress are not signs of weakness. They are often signs that your mind and body are trying to respond to something they perceive as important, threatening, or overwhelming. Anxiety and stress are natural human experiences, though they can become difficult when they begin to dominate our lives.

The goal isn't always to get rid of anxiety. Sometimes the goal is to understand it, listen to what it might be trying to tell us, and learn how to respond to it in a way that feels kinder and more manageable.

10 Ways to Work Through Anxiety and Stress

1. Stop Fighting the Feeling

One of the hardest lessons is that the more we resist anxiety, the louder it often becomes.

Instead of immediately trying to make it disappear, try acknowledging it:

"I'm feeling anxious right now."

Not because you like it, but because recognising what is happening can reduce the energy spent fighting it.

2. Bring Yourself Back to the Present Moment

Anxiety often pulls us into the future. Stress often keeps us replaying the past.

A simple grounding exercise is to notice:

• 5 things you can see
• 4 things you can feel
• 3 things you can hear
• 2 things you can smell
• 1 thing you can taste

Mindfulness helps us reconnect with the present moment and notice our thoughts without becoming completely caught up in them.

3. Breathe Like You Mean It

When we're anxious, our breathing often becomes shallow and rapid.

Try slowing your breath down.

Breathe in gently through your nose and make your out-breath slightly longer than your in-breath. Slowing the breath can help calm the body's stress response.

4. Get Curious About Your Anxiety

Instead of asking:

"How do I stop this?"

Try asking:

"What might this anxiety be trying to protect me from?"

Anxiety often has a purpose, even when it isn't particularly helpful.

Curiosity can be far more effective than criticism.

5. Move Your Body

You don't need to run a marathon.

A walk, stretching, gardening, dancing in the kitchen, or spending time outdoors can help release some of the physical tension that stress creates. Regular movement is associated with reduced stress and anxiety and can help regulate mood.

6. Challenge the Story in Your Head

Anxiety is often very convincing.

It tends to tell us:

• Something bad will happen.
• We won't cope.
• We need certainty before we can move forward.

Ask yourself:

"Is this a fact, or is this a fear?"

Sometimes creating a little distance from our thoughts allows us to see them more clearly.

7. Talk to Someone

Anxiety loves isolation.

Sharing what's going on with a trusted friend, partner, family member, or therapist can reduce the burden significantly. Connection and support are well-recognised protective factors when managing stress and anxiety.

8. Give Yourself a Worry Window

If worry is taking over your day, try setting aside a dedicated 15-minute "worry time."

When worries appear outside that time, remind yourself:

"I'll come back to that later."

Many people find this helps stop anxiety from consuming every waking moment.

9. Do Something That Makes You Laugh

This might sound surprisingly simple.

Watch a funny programme. Spend time with people who make you laugh. Sit in the garden and watch the birds steal the dog food.

Laughter doesn't solve problems, but it can give us a break from carrying them.

10. Be Kind to Yourself

Perhaps the most important tip of all.

When people are struggling, they often speak to themselves in ways they would never speak to someone they love.

Ask yourself:

"If a close friend felt the way I do right now, what would I say to them?"

Then see if you can offer some of that same compassion to yourself.

A Final Thought

I don't believe that anxiety means there is something wrong with you.

I think anxiety is often part of the human experience. It shows up when we care deeply, when life feels uncertain, when we are carrying too much, or when old wounds are asking for our attention.

Sometimes the work isn't about becoming fearless.

Sometimes the work is learning that you can feel anxious and still move forward.

You can feel uncertain and still trust yourself.

You can feel overwhelmed and still take the next small step.

And often, that next small step is enough.

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"We're all trying to make sense of something. Be gentle with yourself while you do." 🌿

We're all trying to make sense of something, and sometimes that something is ourselves.

Most of us know what it feels like to have a bad day, a difficult week, or a period where life feels heavy. Low mood is a natural part of being human. It often comes and goes, usually lifting with time, support, or changes in our circumstances. Depression, however, is different. It can linger for weeks or months and affect how we think, feel, and move through the world. Depression often involves persistent sadness, hopelessness, loss of enjoyment, low motivation, and difficulties with daily life.

One of the things I hear most often from clients is:

"I don't know why I feel like this."

Sometimes there is a reason. Sometimes there isn't.

Sometimes depression follows loss, stress, trauma, illness, relationship difficulties, or major life changes. Sometimes it arrives quietly, without a clear explanation.

Whatever the reason, depression can leave us feeling disconnected from ourselves, from other people, and from the things that once brought us joy.

But depression is not who you are.

It is something you are experiencing.

And although it may not feel like it right now, things can change.

10 Ways to Support Yourself Through Low Mood and Depression

1. Lower the Bar

When we're struggling, we often continue to expect the same things from ourselves.

Depression rarely responds well to pressure.

Instead of asking:

"Why can't I do everything I used to do?"

Try asking:

"What feels manageable today?"

Sometimes getting dressed, opening the curtains, or replying to one message is enough.

Small steps still count.

2. Keep a Gentle Routine

Depression often disrupts structure.

Days can begin to blur together.

Try creating a simple rhythm to your day:

• Wake up at a similar time
• Eat regular meals
• Get outside if you can
• Go to bed at a consistent time

A routine won't cure depression, but it can create stability when everything else feels uncertain.

3. Move, Even When You Don't Feel Like It

This is often the last thing people want to hear.

When your energy is low, exercise can feel impossible.

The good news is that it doesn't need to be intense.

A short walk, stretching, gardening, or simply standing outside for a few minutes can help shift both mood and energy levels. Regular physical activity is associated with improved mood and reduced symptoms of depression.

4. Stay Connected

Depression has a habit of convincing us to withdraw.

We cancel plans.
We stop answering messages.
We isolate ourselves.

Connection can feel difficult when we're struggling, but it is often one of the things we need most.

You don't have to tell everyone everything.

Just let someone know you're having a hard time.

5. Stop Comparing Yourself to Who You Were

One of the cruellest parts of depression is that it often makes us measure ourselves against a version of ourselves that currently feels out of reach.

You may not have the same energy, motivation, or confidence right now.

That doesn't mean you've failed.

It means you're carrying something heavy.

6. Challenge the Voice of Depression

Depression often speaks with certainty.

It tells us:

• Things will never get better.
• Nothing matters.
• We are a burden.
• Nobody understands.

These thoughts can feel incredibly convincing.

But a thought is not automatically a fact.

Sometimes it helps to ask:

"Would I say this to someone I love?"

7. Look for Tiny Moments of Pleasure

When we're depressed, we often stop noticing the small things.

A warm cup of tea.
A favourite song.
The sun on your face.
The birds in the garden.

These moments may seem insignificant, but they matter.

Recovery is often built from small experiences repeated over time.

8. Talk About It

Depression thrives in silence.

Whether it's a friend, family member, support group, GP, or therapist, talking about what you're experiencing can reduce the sense of carrying it alone. Talking therapies are recommended as an effective treatment option for many people experiencing depression.

9. Be Curious About What Your Mood Might Be Telling You

This doesn't mean depression is "for a reason."

But sometimes our emotional struggles point towards needs that have been ignored for a long time.

Perhaps you've been carrying too much.
Perhaps you've been surviving rather than living.
Perhaps you've spent years looking after everyone else.

Curiosity can open doors that self-criticism keeps closed.

10. Hold On to Hope, Even if You Can't Feel It

One of the hallmarks of depression is hopelessness.

The difficulty is that when we feel hopeless, we often assume that hope no longer exists.

But feelings are not always reliable predictors of the future.

You don't need to believe everything will be okay.

You only need to leave room for the possibility that things can change.

A Final Thought

I often think that when people are depressed, they don't just lose their sense of happiness.

They lose their sense of connection.

Connection to themselves.
Connection to others.
Connection to meaning.

The work isn't always about becoming happy.

Sometimes the work begins with becoming connected again.

Connected to your feelings.
Connected to your needs.
Connected to the parts of yourself that depression has convinced you are gone.

Because they aren't gone.

They may be buried beneath exhaustion, pain, grief, stress, or hopelessness.

But they are still there.

And sometimes the first step towards finding them again is simply allowing someone to walk alongside you while you look.

If you are experiencing thoughts of self-harm or suicide, or feel unable to keep yourself safe, seek urgent support through NHS 111, your local crisis service, or 999 in an emergency.

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"You do not have to see the whole path. Sometimes it's enough to trust the next step." 🌿

Some experiences change us.

Not always in obvious ways.

Sometimes a loss, a trauma, or a painful life event creates a clear before and after. Life carries on around us, but internally something feels different. We may find ourselves struggling with memories, emotions, relationships, trust, or simply feeling like the person we were before is harder to find.

Trauma and loss are often spoken about separately, but they frequently overlap.

We can lose people, relationships, homes, health, careers, identities, dreams, or a sense of safety. We can grieve what happened, what didn't happen, and what can never be recovered. Grief can follow many types of loss, not only bereavement.

One of the things I wish more people understood is that trauma isn't only about what happened to us.

It's also about what happened inside us as a result.

Our minds and bodies are incredibly good at helping us survive difficult experiences. Sometimes those survival responses continue long after the danger has passed, leaving us feeling stuck, overwhelmed, disconnected, or constantly on alert. Trauma can affect emotions, relationships, sleep, concentration, and our sense of safety in the world.

10 Ways to Support Yourself Through Trauma and Loss

1. Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel

There is no correct way to grieve.

There is no perfect timeline for healing.

You may feel sadness, anger, guilt, relief, numbness, confusion, fear, or all of them in the same day. Grief affects people differently and emotions often come in waves.

Your feelings do not need fixing.

They need space.

2. Stop Judging Your Reactions

Many people worry that they are "not coping properly."

Perhaps you cry too much.

Perhaps you don't cry at all.

Perhaps years have passed and certain memories still hurt.

Trauma and loss don't follow a schedule.

Be careful not to measure your healing against someone else's.

3. Understand That Your Reactions Make Sense

After trauma, people often experience nightmares, flashbacks, difficulty sleeping, hypervigilance, emotional numbness, or feeling disconnected from themselves and others. These can be normal responses to overwhelming experiences.

Understanding that your nervous system is trying to protect you can sometimes reduce the fear of the symptoms themselves.

4. Stay Connected to Safe People

Trauma and grief can be isolating.

You may feel that nobody understands.

You may not want to burden others.

Yet healing often happens in connection.

You do not have to tell your whole story.

Simply allowing yourself to be alongside people who feel safe can make a difference.

5. Take Care of Your Body

When we experience trauma or loss, we often focus entirely on our emotional pain.

But our bodies carry stress too.

Try to:

• Eat regularly
• Stay hydrated
• Rest when you can
• Move your body gently
• Spend time outdoors

These things may seem small, but they help support your nervous system during difficult times.

6. Give Yourself Permission to Remember

Many people try to avoid painful memories completely.

Sometimes this is necessary for a while.

But healing isn't about forgetting.

It's about finding a way to remember without becoming overwhelmed.

The goal is not to erase the story.

The goal is to help the story take its rightful place in your life.

7. Notice What You've Lost

Loss is not always about a person.

You may be grieving:

• A relationship
• Your health
• A version of yourself
• A future you imagined
• A sense of safety

Naming the loss can sometimes help us understand the depth of our pain.

8. Be Patient With Triggers

A smell.

A song.

A place.

A date in the calendar.

Trauma and grief often live in unexpected corners of our lives.

If something catches you off guard, it doesn't mean you've gone backwards.

It means you've encountered something meaningful.

9. Seek Support When You Need It

There is strength in allowing yourself to be supported.

Whether that support comes from friends, family, a support group, or a therapist, you do not have to carry everything alone. Talking about what has happened can help the brain make sense of difficult experiences.

10. Let Healing Be Imperfect

One of the biggest myths about healing is that we eventually "get over it."

In my experience, many people don't get over significant trauma or loss.

Instead, they learn how to carry it differently.

The pain may soften.

The story may become less overwhelming.

The wound may become part of who they are rather than something that defines them.

And that matters.

A Final Thought

I often think that healing from trauma and loss is not about returning to the person you were before.

Sometimes that person no longer exists.

The experience has changed you.

The loss has changed you.

The trauma has changed you.

The work then becomes learning how to build a relationship with the person you are now.

Not because you wanted what happened.

Not because it was fair.

But because your life is still here.

And despite everything you have been through, there are still moments of connection, meaning, laughter, love, beauty, and wonder waiting to be found.

Healing doesn't always mean leaving the past behind.

Sometimes it means learning how to walk forward while carrying it with compassion.

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"What happened to you matters. What you've lost matters. And so do you." 🌿

If trauma, grief, or loss is significantly affecting your daily life, or if you are experiencing thoughts of self-harm or suicide, seek support from your GP, NHS 111, a mental health professional, or emergency services if you are in immediate danger.

The way we see ourselves often shapes the way we experience our relationships.

Many people come to therapy believing they have a relationship problem, only to discover that part of the struggle lies in the relationship they have with themselves.

When our self-esteem is low, it can affect how we communicate, what we tolerate, how we set boundaries, and what we believe we deserve from others. Self-esteem influences how we look after ourselves and our ability to build healthy, supportive relationships.

We may find ourselves constantly seeking reassurance, fearing rejection, avoiding conflict, people-pleasing, or struggling to believe that we are worthy of love and acceptance.

The difficulty is that relationships and self-esteem often influence one another.

Healthy relationships can help us feel valued, supported, and connected. Equally, when we have a healthier relationship with ourselves, we are often better able to build strong, balanced relationships with others.

What Is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is simply the opinion we have of ourselves.

It is the collection of beliefs we hold about who we are, our worth, our abilities, and whether we feel good enough. Low self-esteem often involves being highly self-critical, doubting ourselves, and struggling to recognise our strengths.

Many of these beliefs begin long before adulthood.

The messages we receive growing up, our relationships, life experiences, losses, criticism, bullying, trauma, or difficult circumstances can all shape the way we see ourselves.

Over time, these beliefs can become so familiar that we stop questioning them.

We simply assume they are true.

10 Ways to Improve Self-Esteem and Build Healthier Relationships

1. Notice How You Speak to Yourself

Many people are kinder to complete strangers than they are to themselves.

Pay attention to your inner dialogue.

Would you speak to a friend the way you speak to yourself?

If not, it may be time to challenge that voice.

2. Stop Measuring Your Worth Against Other People

Comparison is often a losing game.

There will always be someone more confident, more successful, more attractive, or seemingly more together.

Your value as a person is not determined by where you sit in comparison to somebody else.

3. Learn to Receive Compliments

This sounds simple, but it can be surprisingly difficult.

When someone says something kind, notice the urge to dismiss it.

Instead of explaining it away, simply try saying:

"Thank you."

4. Build Relationships With People Who Value You

The people around us influence how we feel about ourselves.

Healthy relationships are built on respect, trust, honesty, communication, and feeling valued for who you are.

Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with people.

Do you feel encouraged, respected, and accepted?

Or consistently criticised, diminished, or exhausted?

5. Practice Setting Boundaries

Many people with low self-esteem believe they have to keep everyone else happy.

They say yes when they want to say no.

They put their own needs last.

Boundaries are not selfish.

They are one of the ways we communicate self-respect. Learning to express our needs and limits can improve both self-esteem and relationships.

6. Challenge the Stories You Tell Yourself

We all carry stories about who we are.

Perhaps:

• "I'm not good enough."
• "Nobody really cares."
• "I'll always get things wrong."
• "I don't deserve better."

Ask yourself:

"Where did I learn this?"

And perhaps more importantly:

"Is it actually true?"

7. Learn to Communicate Honestly

Healthy relationships are not built on mind-reading.

They are built on communication.

Being able to speak openly about how you feel and listen to others helps build trust, understanding, and connection.

You don't have to express yourself perfectly.

You just have to be willing to be honest.

8. Recognise What You're Good At

Low self-esteem has a habit of focusing exclusively on flaws.

Take time to recognise your strengths.

Not just achievements.

Who are you as a person?

Perhaps you are kind.

Thoughtful.

Loyal.

Creative.

A good listener.

These things matter.

Recognising your strengths can help build confidence and a healthier view of yourself.

9. Stop Looking for Someone Else to Complete You

Relationships can enrich our lives, but they cannot give us a sense of worth that we do not already believe we possess.

The healthiest relationships are often formed when two whole people come together, not when one person is relying on another to tell them who they are.

10. Remember That You Are Allowed to Take Up Space

You are allowed to have needs.

You are allowed to have opinions.

You are allowed to say no.

You are allowed to ask for support.

And you are allowed to exist without constantly proving your worth.

A Final Thought

One of the most powerful shifts I see in therapy is when someone stops asking:

"How do I get other people to value me?"

and starts asking:

"How do I learn to value myself?"

Because while healthy relationships are incredibly important for our wellbeing, the relationship you have with yourself is the one that follows you everywhere. Positive relationships can strengthen wellbeing and self-worth, but self-esteem also affects how we navigate the challenges life brings.

The goal is not to become confident all the time.

The goal is not to never doubt yourself.

The goal is to develop a relationship with yourself that is based on compassion rather than criticism.

One that allows you to show up as you are, rather than constantly trying to earn your place in the world.

Because your worth was never something you had to earn.

It was there all along.

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"The relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life." 🌿